Friday, November 30th, 2001: I've got a secret...

Ever since I saw The Blue Man Group in Las Vegas and heard that they might be opening a show in Tokyo, I've been planning to audition for them during my trip to New York City. Earlier this week I got a call and a time slot for a screening at 5PM today. Since then I've been practicing my rudiments daily on a drum pad. And today, after a quick cab ride from LaGuardia Airport to my brother's mid-town apartment for a final warm-up, I was ready to show off at least some of the chops I had amassed during my high school years.

The audition lasted all of ten minutes. I was briefly introduced to whom I think were the original Blue Men; they seemed more interested in their early dinner than the Canadian who had seen their Las Vegas debut. One of their lackeys led me into a small, soundproofed room for a brief tutorial on Japanese Koto drumming, then had me play some patterns for him.

I did fine, but I somehow get the sense that they're not actively looking for anyone right now, and worse, might return my disruption of their meal by throwing my headshot and résumé in the garbage. Time will tell, I guess...

Tuesday, November 27th, 2001: I've just posted photos and a treat from my weekend in Sarnia.

If you were a reader of this page last March, I'm in love with you! As an added bonus, you'd also know about my bitter hatred of Bell Canada. "Allo" this, motherfuckers... See what I mean? Well, guess what? Thanks to Excite@Home going tits-up, I may have no other choice but to switch back to Bell's somewhat less than high-speed Internet service.

It seems that the new Rogers.com network won't allow email relaying, that is, sending or receiving mail from a non-Rogers address. That kind of sucks for anyone with more than one email address, and I have seven of them! Switching back to Sympatico has its own problems of course -- brutally slow uploads, not being able to automatically update my Mac system software, having to use Bell's proprietary Access Mangler, or some other PPPoE client -- I could go on...

Hopefully the folks at Rogers will realize the error of their ways, before it's too late. For unlike our friends to the south, Canadians are actually willing to pay for high-speed Internet access, and it sure would be a shame not to have a choice, kind of like having only one national airline :-(

Friday, November 23rd, 2001: Thanks to Tracey Hoyt for hipping me to a review of Sin City that appeared in yesterday's Toronto Star. I don't know how long the story will be up, so read it while you can!

This past week has been rather uneventful (hence only two entries), so in the spirit of having something interesting to write about I got my hair bleached! I'm heading off to Sarnia tomorrow for a wedding, and over dinner tonight decided that it would be a perfect opportunity to show off a new look. And it's not just a whim of vanity -- no less than the bride in tomorrow's nuptials (also my hairdresser) provided me with two pragmatic reasons for getting a dye job: A blonde head would hide both my thinning mullet and the few greying hairs that remain.

So where does one go for an emergency head bleaching at eight o'clock on a Friday night? Why, to The House Of Lords, of course... I strutted into Toronto's infamous rock and roll hair salon and was put under the care of a nice young man named Yuval, who made my wishes easier to explain by having a dye job himself. "Gimme what you got" was all I had to say. Two coats of bleach, one burning scalp and an hour and a half of blaring dance music later, I look just like the dude in Everclear... Kinda.

Monday, November 19th, 2001: Photos from Vegas have just been posted.

So I went to see Harry Potter over the weekend -- I'm assuming you're familiar enough with it that I don't need to provide any links. It was great in that it made me really want to read the book, but I have to say I'm a little underwhelmed by the film's direction. Sure, the author had strict control over the screenplay, but is that really such a good thing? Stephen King hated Stanley Kubrick's realization of The Shining, yet it remains to this day the best movie made from any of his books.

Movies are, after all, about pictures, not words, unless you're talking about My Dinner with André. I sure wouldn't lump Home Alone hack Chris Columbus into that category. Yet somehow he's a hero merely for cinematically checking off all the great images in The (Americans are too dumb to know what a) Philosopher's Stone (is). Now if Harry Potter had been put under the care of Terry Gilliam, that would be something worth lining up for...

Wednesday, November 14th, 2001: What a difference a day makes! My feelings about The Second City show I saw last night haven't changed, but my impression on the folks who performed in it sure has. More on that in a minute.

I woke up in my hotel room this morning facing a moral dilemma; I was all COMDEXed out, and I've walked the strip enough to know that when you've seen one casino you've pretty much seen them all. A flyer I found in a cab on one of my many trips to the convention centre informed me of another trade show in town, this one for the adult entertainment industry. Its name? The not so original "AdultDex". Like I said, I had a whole day with nothing to do, and a visit there would at the very least yield some interesting photos.

The reality of this convention of carnality was unbelievably dull. Imagine the skankiest of adult websites, you know, the ones that open an endless series of new, unwanted windows when you try to leave them (or so I've heard). Now imagine the fat, sweaty guys that run those websites, then picture a bunch of them gathering together to discuss strategies for increasing traffic and tracking visitors. That's AdultDex! Yawn...

Thankfully, an exciting evening more than made up for an uneventful day. Hanging out with Mary Pat the night before gave me the chance to meet a member of the Blue Man Group, who have just opened a show at my hotel. I was the lucky recipient of a comped ticket for the early performance that would have otherwise set me back eighty-five bucks. Being a high school drummer turned university filmmaker turned comedian, I found the experience quite moving, even though it didn't really have either a point or an ending, and was almost spoiled for me by a gaggle of teenage girls in the row behind, cheering for the blue men at every opportunity, as much for validation by the audience as to show their appreciation for the show.

Directly afterwards, I was whisked to a campus coffee house near UNLV for an improv jam with the Second City cast. Who'd have thunk that in the epicentre of American greed I would find an oasis of college Bohemia? They didn't know me from a hole in the ground but I made our country proud, getting plenty of laughs just by mentioning the Canadian Navy. And having shared the same stage with the comedians I had dismissed the night before, I found them all to be quite good company after the show. Every one of them except for Mary Pat is from Chicago, and though there are significant differences in the way Torontonians and Chicagoans do their comedic business, all it takes for some mutual respect is some time together on stage. Aww :'-S

Tuesday, November 13th, 2001: Handspring rocks!

A packed house greeted Handspring CEO Jeff Hawkins for his keynote address today, and with good reason. The wry, laid-back exec who also happens to be the inventor of the original Palm Pilot kicked off his speech with a history lesson, detailing both the successes and absolute blunders in the development of Palm and Pocket PC platforms. And though a plug for his new Treo was inevitable, Jeff didn't end there; he ended his keynote with a call out to wireless carriers, noting that network security will be of upmost importance for the next generation of always-on, wireless communicators.

Handhelds and wireless continued to be the buzz of the day at a panel discussion on "the future of the digital lifestyle". The most interesting thing I got out of it was the constant labelling of information as content. I guess that makes me a content provider!

I briefly visited the convention floor to kill some time, but I've pretty much seen all I need to see of COMDEX. Apparently my feelings are shared; all flights out of here are booked up for tomorrow, so I'm staying for the full four days.

The next item on my to-do list was to see Mary Pat Farrell in the local Second City revue, at Bugsy's Celebrity Café in The Flamingo Hotel. My thoughts are as follows: On the plus side, the actors in this show make $600 U.S. a week and get a reduced monthly rent in a nearby condo. One of the guys is also leaving the cast, opening up a spot for anyone with working papers or a U.S. passport, like me! On the minus side, the show's pacing is way off. This is partly because there is no intermission. The seductive jingling of slot machines can be heard just outside the theatre doors, and the theory is that if you release an audience for a break, you'll never get 'em back. But an even bigger pacing problem comes from the actors themselves. Except for Mary Pat, who's leaving for L.A. next month, characters are huge, emotions are flat and scenes are frequently stepped out of for clever commentary that wasn't all that clever.

And lucky me, I get to improvise with these people tomorrow night...

Monday, November 12th, 2001: I'm published! See my feature on MyVideoGames.com right now! If it's not front and centre on the homepage (it should be), try this direct link.

As for Vegas, this town is dead. With local TV stations buzzing about the airplane crash in New York this morning, the walk from my hotel to the COMDEX registration desk at the MGM Grand across the street was eerily quiet. Likewise for the first keynote I attended -- Nokia uber-CEO Jorma Ollila was greeted by an auditorium that was only half-full. For all his Finnish charm he did make one sizeable gaffe, introducing to America the absolutely hideous two-handed 5510 after remarking earlier that their mobile customers preferred one-handed interfaces.

On the exhibition floor it looked like Handspring was the big winner, proudly showing off their forthcoming Treo to crowds that seemed genuinely impressed. A fire sale of their current product was also packing them in; they made me an offer I couldn't refuse on a Visor with a colour screen, and thus I continue my patriotic duty to support the economy with my fifth handheld purchase in three years!

But even a computer show can't keep me from the world of comedy. I ran into a colleague from the 2000 World Improv Championships, currently doing a show an hour for Ricoh, entitled (I love this) "Whose Workflow Is It, Anyway?". And on Wednesday I've been invited to join the local Second City cast for a freebie at UNLV, if I don't decide to come home a day early, that is...

Sunday, November 11th, 2001: War is hell, and Jan Wong is full of shit.

After reading a recent exposé about airport security in the Globe, I thought I might be able to sneak a pair of scissors with me on my flight to Las Vegas. I wasn't. I wouldn't have minded surrendering them from my carry-on toiletry bag so much were it not for their sentimental value; my dad had pinched the scissors years earlier during his rounds at St. Michael's hospital, and if you've never used hospital scissors before then I guess you've never had a little taste of heaven...

The fun on this trip started in Chicago, where I had to take a dark, neon-lit Logan's Run-type subterranean underpass to get to the other side of the airport for my connecting flight. And working that particular flight was the sassiest flight attendant this international traveller has ever heard. Some samples:

(before takeoff) "... And if you have any Palm Pilots, although we are certainly impressed, we must ask that you now turn them off..."

(after landing) "... Please be careful when opening the overhead compartments because, as we all know, shift happens..."

(before disembarking) "... We sincerely hope that you've enjoyed giving us the business as much as we've enjoyed taking you for a ride..."

I made the mistake of taking a shuttle bus instead of a cab from the Vegas International Airport to my hotel, and was surrounded for that journey by hillbillies on every side, each offering their own homegrown remedy for our minivan's whiny alternator. But soon enough, I was travelling at a forty-five degree angle to my room in the Luxor, on the hotel's exclusive inclinator. The old girl is starting to show her age -- there's no high-speed 'Net access in my quarters, or even a coffee-maker for that matter -- but at least I have a partial view of the strip.

Saturday, November 10th, 2001:

At least this Canadian does -- enough to take advantage of discounted airfare there, anyway. I'd otherwise feel guilty about giving Air Canada any of my hard-earned money; it's no secret that their Tango discount airline is directly responsible for Canada 3000's current state of affairs. Of course, I'm not exactly Canada 3K's biggest fan either, with their cramped seating and "we'll get there when we get there" scheduling, but at least they keep Air Canada's prices in check.

Speaking of prices, let's all go down to the Big Apple, if not to show our solidarity then at least to experience firsthand just how little our dollar is worth. With proper ID you'll get a free Roots hat!

Tuesday, November 6th, 2001: Those of you that caught the Devils Advocates on Speaker's Corner this past weekend didn't see my reaction to the gung-ho pro-war woman who was on the show two weeks before (check the archives for October 29th if you don't know what I'm talking about). That's because the producer of Speaker's Corner decided not to air it, further proof to me that the Devils are doomed to the category of light entertainment, and are therefore irrelevant.

No tears are being shed at this end. Al and I will still be doing our New Year's Eve show at The Second City's Tim Sims Playhouse; we just won't be wearing horns on our heads. I've also scored a spot in the cast of this season's Sin City improvised soap opera at The Poor Alex, alongside Al and a bunch of other talented folks. Our opening night will be Monday, November 19th at 8PM, and our special guest will be none other than Mr. Colin Mochrie.

Before that there's the little matter of the tickets I booked for the fall COMDEX show in Las Vegas next week. If you want to know what's it's like to spend five days in a real sin city, in the midst of the world's largest gathering of computer nerds, stay tuned...